my life story,by jmes gough

Well today i took a little “Speakers Training” & learned a few things to add to my repetoir ,making it better for my personal WAR on HIV.I really don’t think they know how serious i am at access aids .I will try & learn all i can,but still seem to be stuck on facts & figures about HIV,& am having trouble gettin my story down so its good enough to tell to others,but where do i start?guess a good start would be at the beginning of my life,which started on Jan 6 1963,in the Hotel Diu Hospital in Kingston Ont.The oldest goughs & parents moved to sudbury in the early 70s.In 77 James Sr. died while sailing on Powell River B.C. & so mom had to pay for 2 funerals.Gramps hung up when mom asked him to borrow some money to burry my dad & said he never liked him anyways,at least thats what i was told a few yrs back.Trying to go through your life isn’t fun .Something about it is very theraputic though i so i blog on,ok,now i forget where i was!~figures~loljkok back from j break & now i am not into bloggin about myself,as i know myself already~!but this isnt supposed to be fer me,i guess its to help others in watever way i can.ok so now my father has just died,& i am 13 yrs oldwe move to kingston for a year,then my mom remarries thinkin we needed a father figure,only she picked an alcoholic salesman,& we didnt hit it off to good from the beginning & it went quickly downhill from there untill it got to him chasing me with a knife & cops escorted me off to the welfare office.where i was issued a 90 emergency check,i got my first place on hazel,i remember because at night we used to watch through an open vent, & watch them cleaning bodies.so i soon drop out of school as well & strart selling weed to support my party hardy lifestyle i was now full into,everyday it was the same,wake up score some weed & then hang out downtown selling joints,all the while we slowly gathered up our cases of beer then we head to some party place,drink,smoke,pass-out.next day was the same .in 88 my bro doug died in an car accent on his 22 B-day,he had passed outin the middle of the road & a car came along & not seeing him,dragged him 400 metres before relizing something was wrong.Ambulence was there right away but had to wait 20 min fer the tow truck & he died on the scene.I was living in SS marie at the time,& remember the police man telling me he had died,& i tryed telling him their must be some mistake.Soon after i got a call from my mom,& had to tell her Doug had passed away & it still remains one of the hardest things i have ever had to do,- On my 27 B-day party i took my first needle of cokecaine & knew immediatly that i was Hooked-the feelings & sounds were a rush!i spent the next 10 years delving into the world of coke,again selling to support my habit,which was steadily growing more expensive,i was having to move more coke & was soon jailed for trafficking coke,did 3 months & was out.in 96 i was charged with murder 2,spent 16 months in jail & then was aquitted at trial.Hell i had no place to go,i wasn’t ready for release & just wanted to go back to my cell,& 3 months later i was back in.I had been out for 3 months & grandpa passed away from cancer & at least i managed to make it too his funeral before landing back in jail,this time on a home invasion charge.I got 6 or 8 months & went to monteith from Northbay.few months after getting out my cell partner & i hooked up,partied for a week, he left come back a month later& we again started useing heavey,only this time he od’d,& i tried working on his body ,giving him CPR for 20 min untill fire & ambulence arrived they tried to revive him but Jackson was gone,at rest & peace at last.i was living on beach st & then elgin st rooming house,& stayed in a room,cleaning the place in exchange for the room,again sellin here n there,untill finlly had enough & signed into detox. I was there 2 wks when on friday i found out my ex won a million bucks!I dont have to worry about my son ever again i thought,asif eh?then monday came & i found out my 21 yr old daughter was in hospital,dyeing from HPV.I went & stayed by her side most of the time,going from detox to the hospital kept me clean & when my baby girl started to cry when her hair started falling out,I went home & asked my bro gary’s ol lady lynn to cut it all off which she did .She started crying when she saw i would go that far just to make her feel alittle better & she was never so proud she said.her 22 Bday july 5 we had a fireworks show for her & it would be one of her final moments of joy,as exactly a month later she passed away on august 5,2004,2 days after being sedated. I had already lost my ex brenda & friend dave that summer from HIV-AIDS!i can’t believe i didnt mention her,as we went out for 5 yrs while useing,& she was HIV+ & i was still negative untill a few years later after we had split up.Everytime i see a butterfly i think of her & smile.ok so now where am i at?well i am not sur once again but believe i am up too 2004.Anyways my son & i had started hangin out & he helped me alot through that .My mom had a stroke 2 yrs ago & has just been released from Hosptial with diabetis.I am at this time going through a court case.& the charge is fraud.Dec 6 i go to trial and i am out on bail signing in 1 /wk at the police station. I have been clean off of needles ever since signing into detox 3 yrs ago & am on the methdone program.I am currently not on meds but am on multi vitamins & selenium supplument.I try to eat alot of fruit & stay healthy.I now smoke pot to help with my eating,if i dont smoke,i dont eat,its that simple.I know i will die a slow,painfull death.Just how slow will depend on when i start taking HIV meds& i have just gotten my geno-type test done & should now know wat meds will work & what meds won;t.My cd4s were last at 780,a jump up from 355 & My Viral load was 3,000.So am waiting to see my next test which should be soon to see what course or direction i will be taking.I have done 5 talks at local places in sudbury ont. & am hoping to get my idea”Caravan of Hope” up & running in time for the olympics in 2010.I want to go across canada doing Harm Reduction safe sex & HIV-Aids testing Promo.12 HIV+ persons traveling across canada doing tyhese talks at different places.Breaking into smaller teams would mean we could hit more schools at the same time.So far this is just my idea,goalwatever its wat i would like to do.I thank GOD everyday that i am clean.Peace & love NOT wars & walls!

Safe Sex & Just fer Today

Safe sex saves lives & the life u save could be your own,if yer smart & wear a condom!So today was nice out with the temp at 28c was a little too warm for me so i stayed inside all day,just relaxing & watching the tube & blogging on the computer.Watching future warfare technology & i never cease to be amazed at the way human’s continue to devise new & better ways to kill each other off!INSANE!!We spend Trillions of dollars on defence budgets,when we should be spending it on world poverty & healthcare & education for kids!NOT wars n walls!!We profess to be Christian,but its only lip service.We are all responsable because we have elected to live like this,& continue to do so,thinking we are all powerless,& that we cannot change anything.This is WRONG!If we can ban together we can save ourselves,but thats not too likely to happen anytime soon,i am sad to type,but its the truth.If i had it my way,we would have no war,no countries,politics & religeon too!More persons have been slain in the name of religen then can be counted,& this still goes on in modern times!GOD help us!Were gonna need it!

bEING hiv+ ,ALWAYS WAERING A CONDOM IS A MUST~

WEARING CONDOMS IS A MUST FOR ME & SHOULD BE FOR YOU AS WELL.MOST DO NOT TAKE THIS SMALL STEP,PUTTING THEMSELVES IN HARM’S WAY,FOR TO GET HIV IS TOO DIE A SLOW,PAINFULL DEBILITATING DISEASE,AS I HAVE PERSONALY FOUND THIS,IT IS ALSO A CHANCE TO TELL OTHERS & MAYBE,JUST MAYBE SOME SENCE WILL SLIP IN SOMEWHERES IN SOME KIDS MIND & THEY WILL LISTEN TO YOUR HARM REDUVTION & SAFE SEX SPIEL WITH AN OPEN MIND.SAFE SEX SAVES LIVES,THE LIFE U SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN,IF YOUR SMART & USE A CONDOM!PEACE & loVE NOT WARS & WALLS!

Safe sex saves lives the life u save could be your own if yer smart & use a condom!

So today is beautifull outside with the temp at 26c.I was thinkin on heading to the beach but am staying inside & enjoying the A/C.Life is good again,but i am still not on any meds for my HIV status.The only specialist dr refuses to treat me as we had a personal run in along time ago.So i might have to travel to Toronto at St Micheals,this is the next closest place for testing HIV blood levels. The Can Gov has made alittle easier to travel to far places for medicale treatment.WEll going to cklean house this week-end ,drag i know but i havce help & want to use it while i can!~Actually my sex life has takin a dramtic increase!Now i am on methadone & need my levels tested asap as i can’t keep up!Testosterone help is wat i need~about time eh foolks~well peace & love not wars & walls!Get Tested topday eh!

Clients losing $ at local ASO

Well access aids sudbury has cut back 1 food voucher /month for each of its HIV+ clients.Curious as funding has increased & client services are suffering.Wen i approached someone about my Caravan of Hope idea= we go across canada in motorhome or van doing HIV-aids & Testing Awarness & all they could say was how much insurence would cost!This is a rightous cause & need help here please ,type to me at jamesgsud@hotmail.com c/o caravan of hope Thanks & GODBLESS all my fellow warriors in the war against HIV-AIDS! Peace & love not wars & walls!

More Cash & less Services at ASO’s?

With the revcent cutback to foodvouchers =1/ person/month & bus tickets,it comes at a time when funding is increasing,yet service for clients is falling behind .AS i helped to start sudbury’s only HIV support Group that meets every Wed afternoon at 1-3 at Access Aids Sudbury 111 elm st sudbury,i am glad it is going well.BUT,myt pet project Caravan of Hope has fallen on deaf ears at access,as all they could think about was the cost of insurence!Well onwards i fight to bring hIV testing & awarness to others,it would be nice ifg out local aso was on board though eh folks?Peace & Love NOT Wars & Walls!

Practice safe sex,the life you save could be your own!

SAFE SEX SAVES LIVES

THE LIFE U SAVE COULD BE YOUR OWN,IF YOUR SMART & USE A CONDOM!WELL IT WAS mom’s 63 Bday today & i had tried to get all the boys up to see her but no go .went as far as my caravan of hope idea,the one that i ask for a motorhome or tourbus & go across canada doing HIV-AIDS Education & awarness with 12 otyher IV+ persons of every race,sexual oriantaion therby being able to “connect “with all.we would all have cam corders & would later turn our journey into a movie,& all to promote HIV-AIDS Education & awareness across canada ,I HAVE a couple HIV+ persons on board already,but the BUS or travel mode will be the BIGGEE! sure wish that cheque woulda been good,thats 27,000 i was going toput down,but it isnt anygood anyways.Peace & love NOT wars & walls!

Practice safe sex,the life you save could be your own!

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Peace & LOve NOT Wars & Walls!

So tonight its looking dark outside,sometimes i think its a refection of my heart,as darkness reps evil,there R times when i have very dark thoughts,& i wonder if these R mine or is it an attack from Satan?If u type it out will it become real,or will it be a best seller read by millions?This court thing is BULLSHIT!If i had $$ i wouldnt be getting pushed around like this,I wish MR. Buttazoni was my rep.He would tell it like it is,& i liked that.Sad to say but the canadian legel sytem sucks,unless u have coin or cash,then yer set!depressing or wat?i have to watch i do not fall into to deep of a depression over this,but its hard not to wen your life goes on a holding pattern,waiting for a verdict that will result in many diff possabilities,1 year,hell judge can add as many as he feels like really,this concerns me a great deal,as its common knowledge that i was aquitted for murder & that fact just keeps on screwing me up in ways i never knew,& yet know, &WILL KNOW!OKOK THATS IT FEER TONIGHT FOLKSD,PEACE & LOVE NOT WARS & WALLS ERH FOLKS!

HIV,Single & Its going to RAIN!

As a single perHIV,i have found it almost impossable to date.You think about when you should inform them about your status all the time!Trying to gage the best time to tell others is hard,because you never know just wat they are thinkin about you.I have done about 6 talks on HIV-AIDS & Harm Reduction & methadone awareness ,& most say how brave u r for standing up & telling everyone that u r HiV+,but i am not doing this because i am brave